


Eddie Kaspbrak, Better known as the touch starved short kid.

by BadBoyDeanAsf



Series: Touch Starved, Short kid. [1]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Eddie is a fucking bottom and has bottom energy, F/F, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Panic, Gay Richie Tozier, Good Parent Maggie Tozier, Homophobia, Hopefully long chapters, Hospitalization, Hypochondria, Ill add more tags as we go on, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Minor Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Minor benverly, No Beta, Panic Attacks, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie is a junior, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, There will be smut when im ready and no sooner!, Touch-Starved, We Die Like Men, but just so you know, richie wears Rings!! Make that canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:01:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22127563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadBoyDeanAsf/pseuds/BadBoyDeanAsf
Summary: The car ride to his home was definitely not as long as usual with his mother, well..fucking speeding, Her hands so tight on the wheel that her hands were turning white with the pressure. The nervous and anxious part of him was screaming that they were definitely going to crash the car and he was going to die, He always knew his mom would be the person to kill him, So this seems fitting.He knew the next week would be filled with needles and medication, His heart constricted at the thought of another hospital visit. He wasn’t ready for this shit, He couldn’t do it again, He’s been there one too many times.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Series: Touch Starved, Short kid. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1592791
Comments: 57
Kudos: 186





	1. I wanna hold your hand.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Im writing this on a trial basis because I have no idea if people will like it! but a few people wanted a chaptered fic of my "I want to hold your hand" universe! So heres the first chapter! Im begging you guys to give me support on this one! Plz leave kudos, comments and subscribe! It means a lot to me!
> 
> ~kellie <3

Eddie Kaspbrak does not touch other boys, Eddie will never touch another boy. His mommy made those rules years ago, when he was just a little boy filled with love an affection for the world and his friends. 

Holding hands gave him life, It made him feel safe, as if everything would be okay. His father- Frank, held his hand every single night, for as long as he could remember. He can still feel his hands trembling from years ago as his dreams would burn through his brain and feel like acid throughout his veins all along his body.

The sharp teeth dripping red and the smile so grim and terrifying it had been burned into his small brain. The amount of fear that had engulfed him in those dark moments looking into the yellow eyes that seemed to seer straight into his very soul. As if the creature knew his every thought and every feeling. 

Those dreams had never seemed to end, Now Eddie was on his first year of high school, and he had kept that rule deep and true, avoiding touches and with even a brush of hands he would be scrubbing them raw. He remembered when he met his friend Bill, he wanted to hug him goodbye at the end of the school day, only for his mommy to yell at him and remind him that touching other boys was bad.

Of course the next day, Eddie had to tell Bill he wasn’t allowed to hug or hold hands, or basically do any form of affection, except using his words- So he got pretty good at that. Sharing his feelings by expressing his words, even as he got older, he had written poetry. His writing expanded to notes being passed in class between him and Bill and eventually His and Bill’s newest friend- Stan. The new boy- who they had met in fourth grade didn’t seem to mind much when Eddie told him that he wasn’t allowed contact. He seemed unbothered, or in a way Stan seemed to understand. 

Things never changed, Stan seemed to always know what was going on in his head and was able to help him through it as best as he could without giving him any comforting touches. Once Eddie knew how to use the phone it was a lot easier, He would grip the receiver tight as if he was holding someone’s hand. Stan was a soothing person, he always understood, and Eddie had no idea how.

For years he wasn’t allowed to play any sort of sport, or go outside to play. His own home constantly smelt of cleaning products and fried food, courtesy of his mother, Food he was never allowed to eat. She said he was allergic to fatty foods. He of course, believed her.

As he grew older, he realised it was probably best to show the least amount of skin as possible. The less skin that was out in the open, the easier it was to not be completely full of germs, and there would be barely any skin to skin contact. 

So sweaters and jeans became his best friend.

Girls at school thought he was cute, with baggy sweaters and little curls that grew out if his hair wasn’t cut at the right period of time. He- even now as a freshman was unusually smaller than the other kids in his school- One of the most annoying things that could possibly happen was being called short or any other form of joke about his height. Was he insecure? Probably, Could he be comforted about it, Nope.

He was lucky he only had two friends, People called them lame, or losers, because they rarely joined clubs or went to parties- Well, Eddie had yet to ever attend a party. The fact that his only friends were Bill and Stan made his life a lot easier. His two best friends always respected his rule and boundaries. They Also helped him stay sane, They kept him from crowded places and kept him company, meeting in the halls while he was excused from gym- His mother had definitely pulled something to make that happen.

It was about the third day of school that things started to take an uncontrollable turn in his life, During his ninth period as he waited for everyone else to get out of their last class, So he would be able to walk home safely. He technically had early dismissal because of his last period being a class he couldn’t attend. 

Eddie had heard the squeaking of boots against the rubber tiles of the hall, it echoed out in an uncomfortably loud noise that had Eddie taking a step back, landing directly against a locker. He knew it wasn’t anyone he should be scared of, He knew what class Henry was in, He also knew where his friends would be coming from. Eddie wasn’t completely worried, Yet he was cautious. 

Eddie closed his eyes, as he took a few deep breaths hearing the boots step closer and closer into his direction and eventually he heard them coming down the hall. He fiddled with one of the lockers he knew to be Bill’s and smiled when he entered the combo correctly, It wasn’t hard considering it was only half locked, Bill was lazy and always in a rush.

He practically shoved his head into the locker pretending to be looking for something, literally anything he could think of.

“Hey! What are you doing in Big Bills locker, huh?” An unrecognizable voice spoke, unfortunately-Right next to him.

Eddie jumped in a bit of surprise before turning towards the stranger and shutting- more like slamming the locker, Part of him was hoping he would scare the guy off- It didn’t work. 

“Bill..” He paused, glaring up at the guy- unusually tall guy- “Is my best friend! He asked me to get something for him!” 

The guy’s face twisted into a sly grin and playful eyes, “Baby, baby, baby- What is a cute thing like you doing in a place like this.” 

He obviously ignored Eddie’s statement, and Oh yeah! He’s fucking flirting with him, His only thoughts were, ‘breathe Eddie, breathe.’ 

His immediate reaction was to take a step backwards and towards Bill’s classroom, “Excuse me dickwad! I go to school here!” 

The tall boy leaned himself against the locker, “Nahh, You’re too cute to go here.” He paused looking Eddie up and down, “But you do have a mouth, So it makes since you fit in here.” 

Eddie huffed at being called cute! He wasn’t- at all, thats what the bratty privileged girls called him during his bio class, He didn’t need to hear it from a random guy aswell.

“Look Bub, I don’t know who you think you are, But I’m not cute, or baby, or anything else you’d like to call me.” 

The boy shook his head and then adjusted his glasses with his middle finger- which had a fucking silver ring on it, along with his thumb and ring finger- What the fuck was this shit? Some guy out of a chick flick? Some bad boy- dream boat that he was supposed to drool over? 

Not happening.

“Well, Im surprised you don’t know me.” He gave a laugh, a small one but it was there and Eddie was only feeling more and more anger bubbling up into his stomach and up his chest.

“Ohh, I see! You..” He pointed to Eddie, as he shoved himself from the lockers, taking a step forward. 

“You, are a little freshman! Now that is cute!”

That one, that gave him whiplash, Who can tell that from just a glance and slight conversation?

Eddie ran his fingers through his hair, It was a nervous habit he had picked up over time, in moments he couldn’t use his inhaler to calm himself down. He didn’t need some random asshole making fun of him for being asthmatic.

“Look, I’m just gonna..” Eddie mumbled turning his back on the other boy and attempting to speed walk away, Only something stopped him, and it took him a moment to register it- Holy fuck, Someone is touching me, a boy is touching me!

Then the second thought in his brain was, ‘not only a boy is touching me, but a total stranger.’

Eddie had never turned around so fast in his entire life, He moved in such a quick motion that it had made him completely dizzy. He waited a moment for his vision to come back into focus before his thoughts started coming at him in rapid motion- This was bad, really, really, bad.

He wanted to protest, wanted to say something, make this boy stop touching him. To be able to run to the bathroom and scrub his hands and arms raw. His mouth was opening and closing like a fish, a pained sound coming straight from his throat- That was fucking embarrasing. Not only was his brain short circuiting, but it seemed his lungs had completely stopped working too. 

The boy was saying something to him, fear and- Concern? Completely evident on his face, Eddie couldn’t hear the sounds, only the thump of his heart in his ears. This was a full on anxiety attack- Not even an inhaler could even help him. 

He wasn’t even sure if he was breathing at this point. His knees hit something hard and then he felt himself being pulled into something strong and stable- yet soft and warm. It reminded him of something? Something that used to comfort him at night. He remembered those feelings, but barely the person. He wasn’t sure what had really happened to him as a child, or what had happened to his father, but he remembers the affection- the genuine love he had found in his father’s heart. He was never scared of his dad. That was something he knew for certain.

His vision was beginning to have black spots in it and he wasn’t sure how he wasn’t passed out by now. He felt something wrap around his waist and hugging him close. So that’s what it feels like to be hugged from behind, huh?

He felt so secure, so warm that he didn’t exactly mind it when his eyes shut and the world had gone dark. 

He could see bright lights peaking at the edge of his vision and two shadows blocking it out, His vision was clearing up quick enough that he made out the figures- There was that stranger, and some women who he presumed to be the school nurse. 

.The school nurse.

Thats a fucking problem for sure.

Eddie let out a groan and attempted to sit up, only being lightly pushed back down by the nurse. 

“Please tell me you didn’t call my mom.” It came out in a raspy whisper, something he wasn’t fond of.

“Well.. Dear, You passed out in the hallway, If Richie over here hadn’t found you.. We weren’t sure what would’ve happened.” 

Eddie cringed at the thought of not only his mother coming into the school, but that he had passed out on the floor in front of a total stranger.. A cute stranger.. That was a fact he came to reluctantly.

“Yeah, You really fucking scared me, dude.” 

Eddie’s head snapped towards the other voice, he didn’t have to move much considering the other boy was leaning over him- His face still twisted up in concern. 

“Mr. Tozier! We don’t appreciate that language.” The women spoke but the boy- Richie, shrugged it off looking back at Eddie.

“I didn’t know I was gonna give you a panic attack by touching you!” 

Eddie could tell he was being less defensive than he was feeling guilty. Eddie leaned up against the pillows of the cot he was on and closed shut his eyes tight. 

“Listen, What ever you fucking do, Don’t tell my mother you touched me.” He whispered.

The nurse had looked away towards her computer, He assumed she was filling in his time sheet. His voice was more of a pleed than a warning.

Richie gave him a confused look, his eyebrows scrunching up and he leaned his shoulders against the cot’s handles. 

“Sooo, tell me..Whoever you are, What’s your issue with skin to skin contact?” 

Eddie honestly couldn’t see if he was joking or not, so he let out a sigh. Shaking his head and leaving a pregnant pause. Richie swiveled his hand in a ‘tell all’ motion.

“Its uh.. Its my mom, She has some rules- It’s complicated.”

“So what’s the rule?” Richie not only sounded intrigued but worried at the same time, he seemed so different from the person who had been hitting on him before.

“Boys aren’t allowed to touch me.” He stopped for a second thinking over his words, “Or I’m not allowed to touch them at least.”

Richie’s eyebrows shot up, “Not gonna lie, that’s kinda concerning.”

“How long has it been since another dude has touched in any possible way?” 

Eddie thought about it for a moment, calculating the years and his timeline. His father died when he was three, So it would have been about..

“Uh- like twelve years” He whispered- This was fucking embarassing.

Richie’s eyes widened behind his ugly ass glasses, It shouldn’t have made Eddie turn as red as he did. Before Eddie could even jumble together a response- There was a slamming open of the office door, it banged against the wall- Eddie should’ve been used to things like this, yet he wasn’t and the moment his mother’s presence was known, he was trembling.

From the beginning of his life, to this moment he had always needed to brace himself from his mother’s screaming. Today was no different.

“You let my son collapse on the floor! He could of died! Had a concussion! What did you people do to him?!” 

Hearing her screeching tone and the way she had begun talking to the nurse- Who as far as Eddie could tell, was genuinely nice lady, He felt immense guilt and shame. He wanted to sink as far as he could into the pillows behind him and pretend for a moment that he didn’t exist, that he wasn’t in another nurses office, and that he was anywhere but here at this moment.

His mother was still yelling, Something about how her ‘Eddie-bear’ was fragile, and that she was going to sue the school for putting her child in danger. The moment she had gotten the call, He knew she was planning a hospital visit. 

His mother might have been distracted for a while, verbally abusing the nurse- Who he had yet to learn her name, and he feared he probably never would. The distraction didn’t last long the moment she saw a boy leaning on the cott, and he knew in her opinion, was in way too close proximity to Eddie. 

Eddie watched as his mother zeroed in on Richie and Eddie’s heart immediately dropped into his stomach. This was fucking bad. 

Sonia had hated it when he spent any time with Bill and Stan, He can’t imagine what could possibly be running through her head when she looked at Richie. He knew that Richie looked as if he was only trouble- But the way Richie comforted him, Even though he was a stranger- Eddie could tell he had a kind heart, Something that not a lot of people in Derry really had. 

“Why- Why! Is a random boy even near my son! He could have germs! He could get Eddie-bear sick! My son has so many allergies! He’s coming home with me, this instant!” 

This, this is the part Eddie dreaded most, When his mother grabbed him by his wrist- So tightly he knew it would bruise. When his mother would hide him away for days or maybe even weeks, convinced that he was severely illl. 

As much as Eddie would protest, He was stuck in bed, alone and sad- Pills being shoved down his throat, night and day. Sometimes- Sometimes they would make him so tired he would lose track of time completely. That was the scariest of times for him, He wouldn’t remember the time that he lost, or anything that had happened in between.

He barely knew Richie, actually he didn’t know him at all, But as his mother pulled him off the bed and started dragging him towards the door- They locked eyes, Eddie wasn’t sure what flashed across Richie’s face, but looking into his eyes was comforting, As if he knew he wasn’t completely alone. In reality he never would be now, Because they had a secret, no matter how much that secret terrifies him- Secrets tend to keep people together, Keep them close.

Eddie Kasbprak touched a boy, for the first time in twelve years.. Holy fucking shit.

He wanted to cry, He wanted to scrub his whole body raw- But at the same time, He loved it! He felt so comforted, So warm- Something that he had missed for years. For more than a decade he had lacked so much contact.

It’s not that his mother never touched him or coddled him, She did it in all the wrong ways, it was never soothing or calm. She was always in control- Always doing something that she believed would help, but it never did, it always made it worse, always made him uncomfortable and caged in. As if he was suffocating completely, She scared him, more than anything else in the world did- Even more than his fear of germs.. Or touching other boys.

The car ride to his home was definitely not as long as usual with his mother fucking speeding, Her hands so tight on the wheel that her hands were turning white with the pressure. The nervous and anxious part of him was screaming that they were definitely going to crash the car and he was going to die, He always knew his mom would be the person to kill him, So this seems fitting.

He knew the next week would be filled with needles and medication, His heart constricted at the thought of another hospital visit. He wasn’t ready for this shit, He couldn’t do it again, He’s been there one too many times.


	2. Dream a little dream.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’d be stuck in his stuffy room for weeks if not months until he would be able to convince her that he wasn’t too sick to go to school and that he would be okay. He didn’t know exactly how much more begging he had in him. So he let himself be dragged throughout the room and around bodies until he was secluded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! New chapter up! I hope you all like it! Its not as long as I'd hope for, I usually try to get out 3k but its about 2,500! please send me some comments and kudos!
> 
> I love you all and enjoy!
> 
> ~kellie

The first thing Eddie had registered when he was roused from his ‘nap’ which in reality meant his mother had drugged him and he had passed out for at least eight hours- Was the smell of bleach and other cleaning products. His mother may have been an overly obese lady, But it never seemed to get in the way of her overly obsessive need to clean, to keep things away that could ‘infect’ him or make him sick.

Leaning up against the headboard, he could barely make out the surroundings of his room. His vision was blurring in all the corners, Even though he must’ve been awake for at least ten minutes. At first, he thought the annoying ringing was only in his ears- Which was unfortunately a common thing- After his ‘naps’, Part of his heart panged when he realized that- It was in fact his landline ringing.

His mother had put up a huge fight when he had told her how badly he had wanted a phone in his bedroom. She had yelled and screamed about all sorts of diseases and radiation- Especially because it would be on his night stand- He had then reasoned with her that if he was hurt or in trouble he would be able to call the hospital or authorities in a quick manner.

His arm wobbled a bit as he reached over to answer, mostly just to stop the incessant ringing. He gripped the receiver as hard as he could, He knew that if he didn’t grip tight- It would be falling through his fingers and on to the wooden floor- A chance that he didn’t want to take, He knew the noise would announce his presence to his mother.

His voice was scratchy, and his throat was incredibly dry, yet he still managed to croak out, “Hello..?”

That was all he needed to say before he was triggering a string of words- The voices were easily recognizable as Bill and Stan, Their voices didn’t stop for several minutes and He could hear the repetitive words becoming permanent memories in his brain.

“You’re mom pulled you out of school?”

“Is it getting bad again?”

“I heard you passed out! Are you okay?”

“What the fuck is going on Eddie?”

Their voices were melding together, Like an unorganized symphony. His brain was already filled with fuzz and it felt as if his ears were full of cotton.

He knew he shouldn’t even be on the phone- His mother could hear him, He could definitely get in trouble. So he mustered up the best whisper he could and responded.

“Guys..I’m okay- I just, Something happened at school?” He ended the sentence as more of a question- As if he didn’t exactly know what had happened. 

The problem was, He knew exactly what happened. He remembered everything so vividly- As if it was a movie he had seen a thousand times, A movie that he knew word for word.

Bill was the first to speak after Eddie had whispered the end of his sentence.

“Wuh-Well what happened, Eddie?”

Eddie wasn’t actually sure if he could tell his friends about this, How would they react? Would they be hurt that he had accepted a strangers touch but not theirs? There was another part of him that selfishly wanted to keep it all for himself. He knew his mother could never know, But his friends? Could he keep something like this from them? 

This.. This incident? Had already changed his point of view so much, There was a large part of his brain that had forgotten exactly what it was like to be held, to be comforted. To have someone there protecting you and keeping you warm. He had almost completely forgotten what a steady hand in his felt like. 

Sure, The majority of his brain wanted to wash, and scrub and sanitize his whole body. His brain was constantly screaming about germs, and diseases. Even after the years he had stopped going to church with his mother, He still sometimes thought about sins. He wondered if he would actually go to hell for holding another boy’s hand?

Eddie took a shuddering deep breath, that he was sure the boys could hear on the other end.

“I touched another boy.” 

The minute those words went out of his mouth, he was talking a mile a minute, Spilling his guts about how different it felt to how he imagined it. He spoke about how he had started panicking the minute he felt skin on his own. 

“Guys! I swear to god it was the worst panic attack I’ve had in years.” He went on.

At first Bill wanted to protest and ask questions, Stan would butt in every few sentences to give his two cents, Even when no body asked for it. Around the time Eddie had really gotten into detail both of his friends had gone basically silent.

“Bill, He said he knew you.” Eddie stated, He wasn’t asking this time- He knew that Richie had at least talked to Bill a few times to know where his locker was.

Eddie heard shuffling on the other end, and as Bill started to speak, Eddie heard his voice much closer.

“Who was it E-eddie?” 

It dawned on Eddie that He had never said Richie’s name out loud, For the last day it had seemed as if it was sacred, that it was going to stay a well kept secret, But these were his best friends, and he knew he could tell them just about anything.

“This guy, Named Richie.” He let it out as a breath.

He heard Bill lout out a confused noise before his best friend continued, “Tozier? Richie Tozier? Helped you during a panic attack?” 

Bill sounded incredulous as if he didn’t believe Eddie’s words. Eddie wasn’t offended, He knew that Bill must know this guy and Eddie didn’t. Bill would never judge him, He knew that Bill would do just about anything to protect him and keep him safe, So if Bill is really confused about someone and their intentions with Eddie, He just let Bill do his thing- In many ways Bill was like the big brother he never had.. Except they were the same age.

He let out a small huff of laughter at the thought.

“Yes, Bill- He was really nice?” He paused for a second thinking back, “But in the beginning he was a bit of a prick.” He spoke honestly.

He heard Bill practically cackle at his words, “Yeah Richie is a bit.. Much?” He commented.

Eddie nodded his head, He knew Bill couldn’t see it, But he was silently agreeing.

Eddie could see his vision slowly blurring at the edges and he knew he was succumbing to his mother’s medication once again. He doesn’t remember hanging up the phone- Or putting the receiver down- He doesn’t even remember his head hitting the pillow. 

The next time he woke himself up, He noted it had been at least half a day that he head slept away. There was a bowl of chicken noodle soup on his bedside table- That he was definitely not eating. He noted that he wasn’t nearly as dizzy or sick as he had felt before, He felt a breath of relief come from his lips.

The looked around his room with a questioning glance, making sure nothing was missing- Or moved around at all.

Years ago he had noticed that when he was ‘sick’, His mother would go around his room while he was asleep. She would take things she didn’t approve of and he knew that they all likely landed in the garbage. So the majority of the things he cared about were hidden under his bed or in his locker at school. She would insist she hadn’t touched anything and that Eddie was just forgetful.

He was able to sit himself up and slip on his slippers, Making his way down the stairs and into the living room. His spotted his mother and could already feel himself tensing up- He did not want to confront her, Or play the good little boy that his mother wished he was- He wanted to leave, to get out of there as soon as he could. So he did it anyway.

He stepped out onto the carpeted floor, standing at the edge of the couch with a timid smile- A false one, But she didn’t need to know that. 

“Hi Mommy.” He spoke, wringing his hands in a nervous tick.

His mother’s head snapped up and a large grin twisted onto her face. Eddie felt sick. He sat himself down next to her on the side that wasn’t sunken in with his mother’s weight.

“Eddie-Bear! You’re feeling better!” She reached out to pet his hair, and he had to fight the instinct to pull away and run. He was still, like a rigid piece of wood.

He nodded his head, “Yes mama, I’m feeling much better…” He looked away at the tv for a moment before looking back at his mother. “I think I’m well enough to go to school tomorrow.”

Sonia’s brow furrowed and she frowned, “I don’t know Eddie-kins.. You still look pale.” She caressed his cheek- He wanted to run.

“Mama! I’m fine, I have a test coming up, I can’t miss it.” He gave her a large grin.

She eventually relented and he scurried up the stairs as quickly as he could, trying his best to not trip in his slippers. He made it to his room with labored breaths, rushing to close the door- He had to refrain from the urge to slam it as hard as he possibly could.

His mother absolutely refused to let him walk to school- She had scolded him on even attempting to talk out the door without her. She claimed that it was already getting too chilly for him to be outside- He was too fragile. 

.It was mid september.

Once again he found himself in his mother’s SUV, In an uncomfortable and lumpy leather seat. He was surrounded by fast food bags and plastic cups that she had yet to throw out. He felt as if he needed to crawl out of his own skin, As if he needed to escape.

He jumped out of the car, attempting to cut off his mother’s incessant nagging about his coat and gloves- Both of which he didn’t need considering it was close to ninety degrees outside and he was already sweating plenty. 

As much as he wanted to make it to class on time, He couldn’t stand the thought of sweat and grime and dirt from his mother’s car being on him for hours on end. He was hoping this would be the first and only time he ever missed first period. 

Its kinda funny to Eddie that he barely has any idea on how to get to the locker room. He’s actually surprised that he makes it there at all. The school was considerably big and he was part of the new class of students- It wasn’t an insane idea that he wouldn’t know his way around, However almost everyone knows how to get into the gym.

Except for Eddie of course, Who had never even stepped foot in the gym, Thinking about it almost made him gag. The enormous amount of germs that collected there. He knew how rarely it was cleaned and he definitely knew how well it was sanitized. 

In that way he could say well.. It wasn’t.

Going into the locker room was going to be another challenge he’d have to face- It was just as dirty- If not more- than the actual gym. His overwhelming need to get clean is what pushed him to actually go in. 

Homeroom was ending- He could tell as he looked at his watch, From what he knew about the schedule, all the boys would be getting dressed in their gym attire before heading out into the large, and may he state again, Uncleanly room. 

He kept his eyes down, glaring at the tiles and the grime- He had never been more uneasy about his surroundings than he had in this moment.

He reached the shower’s relatively easily, Avoiding eye contact and sliding past sweaty bodies and half naked boys. 

He hid inside one of the stalls, Attempting to be as silent as he could.

It took a good thirty minutes for all the boys to file out of the room and into the gymnasium. He flew out of the stall as quick as he possibly could and stripped himself of his clothes, jumping into one of the more secluded showers. 

.He scrubbed.

He scrubbed himself raw, his whole body was burning under the water stream and he could feel tears pricking at his eyes, his vision blurring as he tried to keep his eyes open- looking out for any impending doom. He was concerned of course, that someone would walk in on him.

By the time he had finished scrubbing, and eventually breaking down- He barely had enough time to put on a towel before boys were rushing through the doors and back into the locker room. 

No one had exactly noticed he was out of place, he was just a boy in a towel, Who looked just as red and gross as the rest of them. He felt himself being pulled towards the back lockers and he felt the same amount of anxiety boiling up into his throat. 

Having another panic attack wouldn’t help him- It would only make things worse in his case. He could only think of the things his mother would be capable of if he passed out for the second time at the beginning of the school year. He knew what she would do- 

She’d pull him out of school.

He’d be stuck in his stuffy room for weeks if not months until he would be able to convince her that he wasn’t too sick to go to school and that he would be okay. He didn’t know exactly how much more begging he had in him. So he let himself be dragged throughout the room and around bodies until he was secluded. 

He could feel the stare of a tall figure before he even looked up- Part of him was scared, a huge part of him was terrified- Not only was he being touched, It was once again a fucking stranger! How weird was this school?! Did they not know what personal space was?

He mustered up the courage to look at the taller boy, And oh jesus- It was him, It was Richie, and he was touching him again. Suddenly he didn’t mind so much about personal space.

“Dude! Are you okay?!” Richie started spewing words the minute Eddie made eye contact.

“You’re mom is a freakin’ psycho!” His hands were flailing around almost hitting Eddie multiple times. 

“I can’t believe you fucking passed out! You fell over! I thought you were like.. dead!” 

Eddie could really only focus on the heat on his wrist, An actual touch that he was lucid enough to feel. 

“Eddie.. Are you with me?” His voice lowered a bit like he couldn’t show his genuine concern.

Eddie nodded, giving his surroundings a once over- They were mostly alone, they could still be over heard but he wasn’t too worried about anyone paying attention to the two boys in the corner. 

“What are you even doing here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope yall liked it! 
> 
> <3


	3. When I touch you, I feel happy inside.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Eddie has to mull over that question in his head for a brief moment- What was he even doing here? In a boys locker room, full of grime, germs and an overwhelming amount of sweat. His brain was on fire at this point. Everything around him was happening so fast, Richie’s hand was still around his wrist gripping tight, but not an ounce of pain. In a way it was mostly comforting. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I absolutely want these chapters to be long so im sorry it took me a minute! I really hope you guys enjoy this chapter! And im so excited to introduce another loser into the fic! ;)

Eddie has to mull over that question in his head for a brief moment- What was he even doing here? In a boys locker room, full of grime, germs and an overwhelming amount of sweat. His brain was on fire at this point. Everything around him was happening so fast, Richie’s hand was still around his wrist gripping tight, but not an ounce of pain. In a way it was mostly comforting. 

Richie’s hold on his wrist was grounding him.

The shorter of the two shook his head, as if he could unjostle his thoughts that way. Eddie knew that they were running out of time to talk, they had about ten minutes to use the showers and change before the next period began and everyone had to make their own way to class.

‘What are you even doing here?’ 

Yeah.. That was honestly a good question, How had he even let himself into this situation. He had let his mother suffocate him to the point of no return, for the millionth time. He had let this happen, All because he touched a boy.

“Uh, T-the dirt, I- uh germs, I don’t do germs- I needed to shower.” Eddie’s sentenced came out as a rushed whisper as his eyes darted around and behind Richie.

Richie looked at him with questioning eyes and sighed, Running a hand through his messy locks. Eddie knew Richie must think he was absolutely nuts, But he hoped that Richie would give him the benefit of the doubt.

“Look, You’ve never been here right?” Richie questioned.

Eddie looked up at him wide eyed and shook his head.

Richie ran his ringed fingers back in his hair- It was a nervous tick.. Eddie could tell.

“We gotta uh.. We gotta get you outta here.” He paused glancing behind himself, “Some of the boys can get roudy- I’m assuming you’d panic.”

Eddie nodded, and went willingly as Richie pulled him out of the room quickly and into the bustling hall. Eddie tried to at least map out where they were going, Tried- and failed, to figure out the route and destination. Richie’s hand never left his wrist and as much as he was internally panicking over it- The physical touch gave him forms of comfort he had never experienced before.

They had ended up in a completely different wing of the school, The layout of Derry High was pretty simple. The wings were all assigned different subjects and offices. The cafeteria’s- Yes two- Were dividing the halls of the schools- They were basically what had attached the school together. 

They had made it past both cafeteria’s and the history hall before they made it- to well, Where-ever Richie had planned to hide him away. They had landed themselves in an empty classroom, One of which Eddie hadn’t been in yet. His mother had also made him opt out of biology classes- She had scared the school so much he was getting an automatic A. She had said that the chemicals would cause infections and illnesses that he would never recover from.

The door was shut quickly behind them as Richie let go of his wrist and leaned himself against the desk, It was mahogany- Eddie noticed quickly. Richie’s fingers were tapping nervously against the flat service. The noise penetrating Eddie’s ears in a disturbing way, Rolling his shoulders as if he could escape his own skin.

Richie’s eyes met his in a gaze, One that seemed to bore into his very soul. He tilted his head opening his mouth to speak, Before closing it again, Letting a cough escape attempting to clear his throat.

“So..? You’re panicking? Over someone touching you?” He paused looking at his own hands.

“And.. You.. Don’t like germs?” He paused “..Phobia?” 

Eddie jerked his head, Looking around the room- Anywhere but at Richie.

“Dude, You don’t even know me, I don’t know why you think you can diagnose me with a phobia.”

Eddie crossed his arms, As if he was shielding himself and keeping himself safe.

Richie let out a cackle of a laugh- It was manic and almost disturbing. 

“Well, Eds- I’ve learned more about you in the last couple days than I know about most of my friends!” Richie spoke through huffs of laughter.

Eddie scoffed and stepped the couple feet between them, His hand raised and he took a pointed finger onto Richie’s chest. His anger was bubbling into his chest and it was rising into his throat as his face- Undoubtedly turned beet red.

Richie rolled his eyes and gave a crooked grin, He took Eddie’s hand in his and twirled him around. Eddie let out a loud shriek fumbling around as he was spun.

“Excuse me! Richie! You can’t just grab people and spin them! Nut job!” 

Eddie squaked and attempted to pull himself away, Only for Richie to pull him into his chest. As much as Eddie wanted to protest- He couldn’t help the warm feeling in his heart and the content thoughts in his brain.

“Well, Eds Spagheds’ I think you just need more affection in your life! Regardless of germs!” 

Eddie sputtered with his words and turned his head towards Richie to give him the worst glare he could muster. 

There was silence- For maybe a few seconds, A few minutes- Maybe hours- Then it ended. Richie’s eyes left his, And Eddie’s head whipped to the side. Only to see a door swinging open, The loud noise of it banging against the wall.

Eddie almost choked on his own spit- The air leaving his lungs. In front of him stood his very best friend. Bill Denbrough was right there, His mouth agape, Now Eddie wasn’t the one sputtering- Bill was opening his mouth like he had many things to say. All he ended up doing was scrambling into the room, Shutting the door and flailing his hands.

“So its true! Its fucking True!” Bill yelped.

Eddie distanced himself from Richie as much as he could and attempted to stammer out an excuse- For the proximity, He could tell in many ways his best friend was hurt. They had been friends for years, And Eddie had never let him get that close- Never.

“Bill! Its okay! I just- He’s nice and-” His words ended in a whisper- He realized at this point he had no idea what he was going to say. There was absolutely no reason for his closeness to Richie, Maybe it was because he was comforting? Maybe it was because he was insistent?

Bill scoffed, Crossing his arms and looking between the two boys, “O-okay, So me and Stan aren’t nice? Me and s-Stan haven’t been there for you every step of the way?” He paused, Taking a shuddering breath. 

“s-So, You l-let Tozier! Fucking Tozier! Hug you, and keep you calm?” He pointed an accusatory finger at Richie and then turned towards his best friend.

Richie shook his head, Running fingers through his curls before pushing off the desk and walking a few steps towards Bill.

“Billy boy! I didn’t know you could be so protective over people!” Richie paused, Opening his arms as if to present Bill. 

“It’s astonishing! Really!- Here I thought you could only care about yourself!” 

Eddie gaped at both the boys- Who as it seemed, Were in an intense stare off. The shorter of the three pushed himself in between them, Shoving his hands in between them- But not close enough to touch.

“Listen, I don’t know what’s going on between you two..But Richie really helped me, Billy.” He looked between them, His head going side to side. “Bill, I know you’re hurt..I know I need to work through my shit, But Richie hasn’t hurt me.” 

Bill stepped back, Out of Richie’s space, “But E-ddie, You don’t know what he’s really like! He’s gonna hurt you wuh-anyway.”

Richie looked down at Eddie and back up at Bill, shoving his glasses back up his nose and into place. “I wouldn’t hurt Eds’ Spagheds’ Im pretty sure he’s been through enough, Dude.”

Eddie looked up at him almost astonished, He didn’t think Richie had even paid attention when he talked. There was a part of him that wanted to be mad- About how Richie assumed things about him, Or how he is so insistent that physical touch was important to him. It would have extremely pissed him off.. If Richie wasn’t right.

“Y-you! You have no idea what Eddie’s been through!” Bill all but yelled, As if his calm exterior was crumbling more than it should.

Richie rolled his eyes, “I know that his mother’s a crazy bitch! I know he hasn’t really been touched by another guy in twelve years! I know he has one serious phobia of germs, And I know that he panics over almost anything.” 

Eddie’s eyes widened, And Bill took a step back, Maybe in shock? Maybe to put distance between him and someone he clearly had a distaste for.

“Trashmouth, I’ve never seen you pay this much attention to anyone other than yourself..T-this is kinda..W-weird.”

Eddie watched as Bill’s shoulders sagged, It wasn’t in defeat- It was as if he was relieved. Maybe he saw something that Eddie couldn’t really see. It “took minutes- though they felt like hours, For Bill to give a small smile to the both of them.

“E-eddie, I’ve been looking for you- We usually go to first period together.. We’re late.”

Richie shrugged as if being late wasn’t an absolute huge deal, But Eddie nearly had a heart attack. In all honesty he wasn’t thinking of the time, Or basically anything other than Richie- And then Bill.

“So..Skip?” Richie suggested.

Eddie shook his head reverently and rushed around the desk in search of his bookbag, Which he realized he had clearly forgotten it in the locker room. 

“I- Uh, I gotta go back to that.. Disgusting! Gross! Dirty! Room.” Eddie squeaked.

“Whu-what is Eddie talkin’ b-bout?” Bill questioned.

Richie shrugged and leaned back against one of the desks behind him, “Probably the locker room?”

Eddie nodded his head, His breathing quickly turning into hypervantion. Eddie looked around the inhaler- The thought of which brought him to the conclusion that he had left it in the very bookbag he was panicking over.

In the end, Richie had promised he would deliver his bookbag to Eddie during first period. It seemed that the taller boy had absolutely no problem skipping literally any of his classes. The thought of doing that, Ever, Nearly killed Eddie. However the relief of knowing he wouldn’t have to enter the locker room was definitely showing on his face.

He and Bill had made it into their first period, about twenty minutes late. Eddie had made a point of overexaggerating his panic attack. Their middle aged teacher had given a careless shrug and gestured to the two seats in the front. They had sat down and politely listened to her lecture. 

Up until Richie had poked his head in front of the door’s window and gave Eddie a shit eating grin. He held up the bookbag in view and Eddie had literally no choice but to raise his hand and ask to use the bathroom. 

She had given him a majorly disapproving frown, But as school policy they couldn’t deny them access to the lavatory and Eddie was allowed to leave. He attempted to seem cool and collected, but the minute he was out the door he had a large smile on his face.

“I was half thinking you wouldn’t bring it..Thank you.” Eddie’s voice was genuine.

Richie bobbed his head and balanced on the balls of his feet, “You really didn’t think I’d do it, huh?” 

“Doesn’t say much about me, Does it?” He huffed- Eddie knew he was trying to sound funny, But what Eddie saw was hurt, in his words and on his face.

Eddie looked down, Almost ashamed of his words. He had to muster up most of his strength and courage to look Richie in the eyes. Before he had even taken notice, He had a shaky hand reaching up to Richie’s cheek, An action he hoped would be soothing- He only had vague memories of the feeling, From when he was a child.

His hand landed on the soft skin soon enough, His hand trembling until Richie’s had taken hold of his. It was unusually intimate for two people who had just met- Eddie could see that. He wished he knew exactly how to handle situations like this, Or how to even make someone feel better. He wished he was some sort of normal person, Who found touching others as normal as breathing. 

“Its Okay, Eddie.” Richie smiled.

Eddie didn’t.

“No you’re wrong, Its not..I shouldn’t have said that-” He paused looking away almost in shame, “People haven’t always been kind to me, I just expected the worst..I’m sorry.”

Richie nodded and brought his hand down to his lips, Giving a small kiss to it- Eddie almost died on the spot. He thought about the germs and every disease he could probably get from the kind gesture.

The only thought that was in the forefront of his brain, Was that someone cared enough to even give him the smallest amount of affection. He thought about his best friends, and how they had been so pained to never be able to give hugs or any form of comfort. It hurt his heart thinking about how he had affected them in negative ways. 

Heat rose up Eddie’s cheeks, Although the thoughts of his closest friends were still lingering in his head. He couldn’t help but feel warmth rush into his chest, This affection.. It was sweet, If Eddie was completely honest with himself, He was craving it more and more.

Richie let their hands drop, but refused to let go, “Come with me spaghetti, I have something to show ya’.” 

Eddie looked back at his classroom and wanted to protest- He really did. He never thought of skipping class in his life. He never thought he ever would, But Richie.. Well, He was pretty convincing. It didn’t take anymore words for Eddie to give in and relinquish himself into Richie’s grasp and follow him down the hall.

Richie had pulled him all the way into the courtyard behind the school and under the bleachers. The area was absolutely disgusting, all forms of trash underneath it. Eddie grimaced at the sight and subconsciously gripped Richie’s hand tighter.

The second thing he noticed right after the trash, Was a girl. She looked, Well, Absolutely beautiful. She had this firey red hair that entranced Eddie, And when she turned to look at him- He was stunned the blue of her eyes. 

She stood up, brushing off her dress and putting out a cigarette that had Eddie’s nose scrunching up in distaste. She gave him a large grin and all but flounced over to Eddie, Her arms widening to hug him- A huge which he accepted, Although it was more of a half hug because he refused to let go of Richie’s hand.

“Oh my god! You’re so cute!” She paused, Separating them and looking up and down at the small boy. “You gotta be Eddie? Right?” 

Eddie felt a little taken aback, Richie had talked about him.. To other people. Part of Eddie had assumed he was some sort of secret. That he was somebody Richie would hide from the rest of the world, But here he was- Introducing him to a friend.

“Im Bev!” She smiled brightly and then looked towards Richie with narrowed eyes, “Why didn’t you bring him sooner!” 

Eddie looked up at Richie with bulging eyes- This was, Well..It was a lot.

“Bev! Calm your ass down! He was like home, for like- Forever! I don’t know where he lives! Did you expect me to stalk and kidnap him?!” By the end of his sentence he was cackling and barely able to breath- Richie found himself way too funny.

“Richie! You tell me about a cute boy, Who panics when you touch him, and that he has a psycho mother! It was concerning! And you said he was cute! I had to meet him immediately!” Bev nearly shouted.

Eddie sputtered, and attempted to keep his cool- He was failing. 

“Well, uh- Hi?” Eddie’s sentence was shaky but he assumed it was enough.

Bev nearly cooed at his voice, and as much as he wanted to scowl- At her looking at him as if he were a baby bird- He couldn’t. She seemed so sweet and genuine, Almost as if they had been friends for a long time.

Richie shrugged pulling Eddie down with him as he sat himself on the grass, Bev following suit. It was uncomfortable and he knew his allergies were going to be awful, But he didn’t protest.

“So, Spagheds’ this is my best friend, Beverly Marsh.” He paused, Gesturing towards her with a sly smile- “Miss Marsh, This is Eddie Spaghetti.” 

Eddie hadn’t exactly realised Richie rarely used his actual name, and part of that was a little irritating, But at least he knew Richie remembered it. 

“You do know that’s not my actual name,right?” Eddie spoke as he gave Richie a soft shrug.

.This whole touching other boys thing.. It was kinda great.

Richie just let out a huff of laughter reaching out his free hand to ruffle Eddie’s hair, Which he earned a loud shriek from Eddie, and a mischievous grin from his best friend.

“Well, Eddie..I have a feeling we’re going to be fast friends.”

It seemed Beverly was just as much of a delinquent as Richie turns out to be. Eddie had never been the type of person to hang out with people like them, But the pair were comforting. They talked so freely, as if they didn’t care if other people heard them.

“Do you think a teacher will come find us.” Eddie asked as their conversation hit a lull.

Beverly had shook her head and picked at the grass beside her, “I doubt it, No one ever seems to care.” 

Richie rolled his eyes and reached a hand out for Beverly to pass the newly lit cigarette that she had in her lips. The thought of it being near Eddie had made him literally gag, and the minute it had been in his vicinity Eddie had moved away as far as possible without detaching his hand from Richie’s.

“Eds,” Richie spoke through a puff of smoke, “I honestly don’t think anyone would bother even leaving the halls.” 

Those words seemed tinted with anger and spite, But Eddie wasn’t exactly sure why. After all he didn’t know Richie that well, and his anger was most definitely his business. However, he desperately wanted to know the other boy- He wanted to know almost everything about him.

Eddie nodded and watched as the two easily changed the subject, Beverly was going on about this boy in her English class.

“I swear Rich, He was words like a fuckin’ poet.” She sighed out.

“Yeah okay, Like any boy in highschool cares about poetry to begin with.”

Eddie looked up at Richie and then to Beverly and gave her an encouraging smile, “Wel, I think poetry is beautiful, and if a boy is able to express his feelings through words..Its rare.” 

Richie gave him a thoughtful glance and Beverly had beamed at him as if he hung the moon.

“Eddie, You’re my new favorite.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, Subs, and Comments fuel me babies!
> 
> Thank you, Ily
> 
> ~Kellie <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After their small randevou under the bleachers, Richie had escorted him back to class- only a few minutes before their bell rung and Eddie made it out of the room practically unscathed. 
> 
> Stan had handed him a neatly folded note the second before the bell rang, which Eddie had yet to open- Semi-terrified of what his best friend would say. He didn’t get all that much time to think about it before his hand was once again being grabbed in a tight reassuring grip- And even though Eddie had only met this stranger twice before, He could recognize the grip anywhere.
> 
> Maybe it was because it was the only other grip of a man that Eddie had felt since his fathers passing. It was so recognizable and comforting that Eddie let himself once again be led by the taller boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! So im not doing my best but I felt the need to update this, I hope you enjoy these long ass chapters! Im trying to write as much as possible! In case you're wondering this school is based off my highschool, It has Lettered wings and two cafeterias one is smaller than the other- They're in the same wing but a bit of a ways away from another.

As it turns out, Eddie was in fact not Beverly’s new favorite. 

At first Eddie thought he would take that to heart- But when he met Beverly’s actual favorite person three hours later Eddie didn’t mind at all. The boy- Ben, happened to be a freshman just like he was and had met Stan earlier in the week in the library- In of course the B section, As in ‘birds’, Stan’s favorite animal and subject of study. 

Ben was only three feet taller than Eddie, He was on the chubbier side, but he had been informed by Beverly that he had thinned out in recent years. 

After their small randevou under the bleachers, Richie had escorted him back to class- only a few minutes before their bell rung and Eddie made it out of the room practically unscathed. 

Stan had handed him a neatly folded note the second before the bell rang, which Eddie had yet to open- Semi-terrified of what his best friend would say. He didn’t get all that much time to think about it before his hand was once again being grabbed in a tight reassuring grip- And even though Eddie had only met this stranger twice before, He could recognize the grip anywhere.

Maybe it was because it was the only other grip of a man that Eddie had felt since his fathers passing. It was so recognizable and comforting that Eddie let himself once again be led by the taller boy. 

He opened his mouth in a semi-panic, the thought of skipping another period had his head spinning in anxiety, “You do realize I have lunch! My friends are waiting for me!” Eddie yelped over the loud and rowdy crowd in the hall.

“Yes! I do know that Eddie! But lucky for you I have lunch as well, and I have to introduce you to one of my pals!” Richie spoke exasperatedly, His one free hand moving around as if his words would come to life.

Eddie was dragged along through the crowds, and right through an intersection that would have taken him at least three minutes to get through and multiple elbows to the ribs. Thanks to Richie’s tall and lanky limbs he had practically spread the crowd in two, Making a lovely rift for Eddie to walk right through. It dawned on Eddie that Richie was a lot like moses, parting the red sea- Or in Eddie’s case the sea of horny, loud, and obnoxious teenagers.

He watched as Richie swung the cafeteria doors open and strolled through the large room unabashed at he and Eddie holding hands- Something that made Eddie blush like a sinner in church. Eddie was the only one in the entire cafeteria to be ashamed of the physical touch of another boy.

Eddie also happened to be the only other freshman in the entire room other than another boy, Who he spotted next to the unmistakable glimpse of fiery red hair- The thought still stuck unchanged in Eddie’s head- That Beverly’s hair was beautiful and enchanting. 

Richie had only let go of Eddie’s hand the moment they had reached the table- and subsequently Beverly and the other boy. It wasn’t a surprise that the tables in this unfamiliar cafeteria were absolutely the same as the smaller cafeteria. Long metal tables and matching benches, They were scuffed and scratched, with doodles of things he recognized and things that were completely unrecognizable. He spotted tons of names and initials all written with what he assumed was love. 

“Eddie! I’m so glad you’re sitting with us! I honestly thought Richie would just bring you outside and hog you.” Beverly laughed, as she leant her elbow on the table, her free hand popping open a bag of chips- In the way obnoxious children do, Making a loud crack that usually scared every person in the room and landed a kid in detention. Eddie had assumed that all the other kids would have the same reaction as him. He had shrunk back and almost completely fell into Richie. However when he looked around the room and saw that almost every student just looked unbothered and unamused.

Richie chuckled placing his hand comfortingly on the small of Eddie’s back, guiding him to sit down on the bench opposite to Bev as he himself sat down- “Don’t look so surprised, Eds’- Bevvie does that literally every afternoon, She has a thing for causing just as much chaos as I do.” He grinned, sending a wink in Beverly’s direction.

Eddie almost choked in surprise at his blatant flirtation and admission of his love for chaos and trouble. 

Eddie gave the table a small grin as he fiddled with his long sleeves in an anxious attempt to relieve some of the frantic energy bouncing around in his body. 

“Bev- Im not saying that Miss.Kentrick is an absolute cougar, I'm just saying she looks at me like I’m a piece of meat.” He laughed out as he once again started flailing his long arms around in frantic motions. “Ben! Tell her Im right!” 

Richie paused lost in thought for a moment before glancing at his best friend, “Bevvie, We introduced Spaghetti to haystack, Right?” He questioned, absentmindedly.

Beverly cackled out a loud and long laugh, Something that should have been obnoxious but was endearing and charming instead, “I don’t believe we did,Richie.” She spoke, matching his enthusiasm and plastering on an equally manic grin.

The freckled girl turned to the boy who Eddie assumed was Ben, and encircled her arms around his neck in a tight hug. One full of glee and excitement. 

“Eddie Kaspbrak, this is Ben Hanscom.” She introduced so formally, for a second he thought he was being introduced to a famous celebrity, Someone important and well regarded. That was when it occurred to Eddie that Ben was most definitely Beverly’s favorite person- Even surpassing Richie as her best friend. Eddie had a feeling- a deep feeling that there was way more love and affection- Something deeper in the way she introduced the other boy- The way she looked at him, it was something special. 

“Eds!, In other words- This is Beverly’s baue and he’s absolutely whipped for her.” He stated bluntly, and part of it sounded off, maybe dipped in jealousy- Or at least that’s what Eddie has assumed it was.Until Richie had looked over, catching Eddie’s eyes for only the smallest of seconds before darting away and starting off an his original rant.

“Like I was saying- Absolute cougar-” 

Apparently, neither Beverly or Ben were interested in Richie’s enthusiastic rant of an elder woman's obsession with him and other teenage boys.

Ben shot Eddie a small gentle smile, holding out his hand to Eddie- Richie let out a panicked squeak, before Eddie let out his own- His eyes blearing with caution and fear, terrified that if he had rejected Ben’s offer the other boy would be filled with hurt. However at the same time, the terrified pang in his heart at the thought of welcoming another male stranger’s touch seemed to just be too much for him.

He heard multiple squeals of ‘what’s going on?!’ and ‘is he okay?!’ 

There were way too many of ‘Richie what’s wrong with him?!’ 

Then Eddie heard voices, calming- Reassuring voices that seemed to stop the rapid beating of his heart and slow it to its original and normal pace. 

He felt rough hands on his cheeks, and unlike the grip they were soft and gentle against his face, soothing him and attempting to bring comfort to him. He could make out the clear mesmerizing blue of Richie’s eyes. 

Then he saw another blue, and a seering intense green, both that he could recognize from across a room, or in his sleep. He could see his closest friends right in front of him, Concern he could practically draw from their faces- He had seen it so many times he was almost used to it.

He could feel his mouth moving, but once again it wasn’t in its usual mouthing of silent screams or short inhales of air that he couldn’t gulp down. 

“Stan?” His voice had grown raspy in only the few minutes he knew he had been panicking.

What was Stan doing here? In the cafeteria? The one they definitely aren’t meant to be in. He had no idea how his friends even knew he was there considering he hadn’t told them where he would be in their next period. 

“E-Eddie, What a-are yuh-you doing in here?” He heard Bill question as he his breathing slowed. 

“M-Me and Stan H-ave been looking f-for you.” 

Eddie looked down at the table, not exactly able to face his best friends. He noticed then, that when Bill hadn’t gotten an answer from Eddie he had turned his eyes towards Richie, and then Beverly- Eventually landing on Ben, Elbowing Stan who’s own eyes turned to Ben who then received a small smile from Stan himself- Which was rare.

“Ben? What happened to Eddie?” Stan asked, a pointed look, flicking between Ben and Beverly, making a point of ignoring Richie’s presence- Which Eddie really wasn’t surprised about.

The person who did look in Eddie’s direction and subsequently Richie was Bill, who had already had his confrontation with Richie. Lucky for Eddie- at least in this case they had seemed to ‘resolve’ their issues and would at least be on civil terms with one another.

“Tozier? What happened, Dude?”

“Uh! Ben tried to shake his hand?!” He yelped in his own defense, raising up both hands. 

“I did nothing!” 

Eddie looked between the three sitting at the table, all looks of confusion on their faces- except of course Richie’s who knew all the reasons.

Ben looked towards Eddie with a guilty features and then towards Stan once again, “Im sorry Stan! I didn’t know he was going to panic!” 

Stan pinched his nose between his fingers and sighed, “Its really complicated but its not really your fault, Ben.” Stan spoke understandingly.

Bill looked towards Beverly, “It’s not your fault either Bev.” He smiled.

Eddie looked at Bill and Stan completely puzzled, His brain all but fizzing out with exhaustion and underlining panic along with the question of how all five of them seemed to be acquainted in some way. In a movement of absolute exhaustion and desperation he slumped into Richie. 

Eddie pointed Between Beverly and Bill, and then Stan and Ben with confused glances. Richie encircled his arms around Eddie’s waist, in a show of affection that would usually make Eddie scrub himself raw or puke- Most likely both.

Stan gave Eddie an exasperated sigh and looked down at him, “I met Ben in the library after school the other day.”

After Eddie gave him an understanding and semblance of a nod and turned his head towards Bill, “I met Bev on the bleachers when she watched our baseball tryouts.” He watched as Bill nodded towards Richie, “Same with Tozier, they were smoking and he was heckling everyone who went up to bat.”

He heard Richie huff out a small breath of a laugh behind him, “ It was pretty fucking funny, Big Bill.” 

Bill shook his head, folding both of his arms, “Until some poor kid got a black eye.” 

Richie rolled his eyes, “Semantics.” He mumbled. 

Bill ignored Richie’s comment and plopped himself down on the opposite side of Richie and Eddie watched as Stan did the same, sitting across from Bill, on the opposite end of Beverly.

Beverly hadn’t really spoken since Eddie had his major breakdown, Which Eddie was lucky not many people had noticed- Due to everyone in the school being absolutely self obsessed or completely in love with their other halves and were swallowing down each other’s tongues like oysters. 

“Eddie! I’m sorry, I forgot to tell Ben about- well, y’know.” She spoke, guilt written on her features.

Richie looked down at Eddie, and maybe if Eddie was paying attention he would’ve noticed that Richie may have been counting all of his freckles. He watched as Richie touched his cheek lightly- in a reassuring touch. 

“It was my fault, guys - Im sorry.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes giving them all pointed looks of agitation, all though there was really just exhaustion written on his features and clouding his own eyes.

“Don’t blame yourselves, Just my mom.” He mumbled.

“S-Sonia Kaspbrak’s go-ot o-one hell of a d-death grip on Ed-die.” Bill stuttered, It seemed to only be that intense when he was talking about something so terrifying or uncomfortable.

“Death grips..Wish I had one of those.” Eddie mumbled, It fell on almost deaf ears- His voice being drowned out by the shrill ringing of the bell- Signaling their third period and the end of a hectic and down right chaotic lunch. 

The sort of chaos that he didn’t think even Richie enjoyed.

There was something so appealing about Richie. At first Eddie had thought maybe it was because of his gentle touch- Something so different in comparison to Richie’s personality. Richie was brash and loud, He could be aggressive and agitating- At some points he could even be scary- Or that’s what he had been told by people in his classes who turned out to be shocked to see him strolling around with the taller boy.

Eddie noticed little things in the next few days, If Richie was unsure about what he could do with him- He would actually ask, unlike some people who would just assume that Eddie was okay with certain things. 

Richie would check, and then double check- Only to check again three minutes later. Richie would hold his hand sporadically, Sometimes ask him about what Eddie’s boundaries were- If Eddie was okay with a tight hug- If he was okay with a kiss to his hand. 

Richie only stopped asking in moments that he knew Eddie actually needed it. He only stopped asking when he saw how desperate Eddie actually was for affection, and in most recent cases he was itching for Richie’s affections specifically. 

Eddie had noticed it himself that he was mostly rejecting physical touch from others. Of course he accepted small touches from Beverly- Nothing overwhelming or scary, but he had yet to accept or have interest in physical touch from any other boy. Which unfortunately included his best friends.

He wanted more than anything to be able to hug and rough house with his best friends, to jump on their backs, Or play around in the quarry on a hot summer day with his friends, pushing against each other or playing chicken. 

Eddie desperately wanted to be able to have that bond with them, To be able to take comfort in them during anxiety attacks and tearful fits. He also wished that he could give that comfort in return. 

He had his own theory that maybe it had to do with the boys being linked to his past. He knew that they had witnessed the worst of it over the years and wasn’t surprised in the slightest that his friends weren’t scared of his actions during attacks and fits.

Bill and Stan- Well, He knew they were hurt. He also knew that Bill’s pain and resentment had quelled in recent days- Where he realized Stan’s had only grown. Stan hadn’t confronted Eddie or Richie about it yet, He hadn’t blown up or cried- He hadn’t even called Eddie out. 

All he had done was refuse to look at Richie, and if he did he would send the taller boy resentful glares. He would be short and curt with Eddie and coughing whenever Richie so much as brushed a hand against the shorter boy.

Richie had seemed to make a habit of pulling Eddie out of classes at random times and taking up all of his class time to talk about pointless things and give him small lingering touches. 

The most recent event was Richie pulling him into the janitors closet to talk his ear full about Henry Bowers’ cornering him in the boys bathroom an hour ago and Richie telling him to suck his own dick.

Richie was leaning against on the farthest wall in the small room, his one leg propping him up and his arms once again waving around, His body full of energy that Eddie could see him practically bursting at the seams.

Eddie was in a different position, trying his best to not touch a single thing, standing in the middle of the small room, his hands clasped in front of him and avoiding just about any object near him.

“Okay, So there I was- Just trying to wash my face- y’know because Bev had gotten paint on me and my fucking glasses in advanced artist studio.” He ranted as he flipped his left hand as if it was a normal meaningless occurrence. 

“She was all like ‘Richie why does all your art look like porn- its ridiculous’ and I had told her that body image studies were perfectly normal and was at one point worshipped and respected in the art world- Which is why I haven’t gotten detention yet.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes at his story, “Get to the point, Rich! I’m in class.” Eddie interrupted.

“Alright, Alright- So I’m washing fuscia paint off my face and my fucking expensive ass glasses and in comes Henry and patrick-” He paused making wild eyes and a grumpy face, “He came in all angry and called me a cock sucker and a bunch of other slurs, Of course it was annoying and I’m taller and a bit stronger now that I’m older- So He went for a punch and I hit him in the face, Which was really a lucky swing because I couldn’t fucking see! And then I told him to suck his own dick and bolted, Now here I am with you.”

Eddie sighed, looking down at his shoes, “I would’ve been terrified.” He admitted.

“I was.” Richie shrugged, “I’m gonna hug you now- Stop me if you want.” 

Eddie nodded and relaxed as Richie pulled him into a tight embrace, Something that Eddie was getting used to- At least from Richie. 

“In all honesty, this hug was more for me than you.” Richie responded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! 
> 
> Dont forget to kudo, subscribe, and comment!
> 
> ~love, Kellie


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He was met with cheering and hoorays as his friends clapped and threw trash at Richie, He would’ve panicked with so many dirty things so close to him, But when he had his friends with him, When he had Richie with him- Everything was quiet, Even his own head."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey babies!
> 
> Its not a long chapter, its mostly a filler, But I really hope you enjoy this fluff.
> 
> -Love, Kellie.

Eddie was an honest person, A very honest person- Or so he thought.

-But as he was quite literally sneaking out of his own house to meet Richie Tozier at town square in the middle of the night- He wasn’t so sure how honest he actually was. 

He loved his mother, He did- really and truly- But now he was scared, He hadn’t been this terrified of her since he was a little kid and he had been two seconds away from hugging Stan at recess. 

He raced down his street and onto the soft grass of town square and when he finally spotted the image of black and unruly curls, his face turned into one of glee- complete and peaceful, Because once again he could feel safe.

He had always felt safe with his friends, but this one was different, Being with Richie- Being held by him, being cared for by him..It gave Eddie the feeling- Well what was he feeling? He wasn’t sure. 

Richie made him happy, and not the false happiness he showed to his mother and teachers. It was real, It was a happiness he had rarely felt in his life. 

He remembered his father and the way being held felt, and he remembers the loss of never feeling it after they put Frank Kaspbrak six feet under. That feeling of being so safe- So cared for and loved was something he hadn’t had in so long. It was an almost unrecognizable feeling.

He watched as Richie gave him a large grin, Strolling up to Eddie and closing the distance until Eddie was wrapped up in his arms. 

If it was anyone else- Even a woman, He would have been immediately uncomfortable. Eddie knew that fact, he was aware of all of this. Yet for some reason, Every time Richie Tozier touched him, Eddie accepted it. He didn’t run, He didn’t cry- He was just, Well- Comfortable?

“Y’know I didn’t think you’d actually come, Eds’.” Richie whispered into his hair.

Eddie laughed, Even though he knew it would be muffled by his face- That was very muched pressed into Richie’s chest and sweatshirt.

Richie pulled away only a little bit, his hands going down to hold Eddie’s own. His eyes were gentle as he looked at the other boy, and for no other reason than the happiness they both felt, just for being together.

“ ‘Course I’d show up, What else would I do at midnight, Richie?” He began walking backwards, towards a bench- Which is definitely something he’d never do, But he knew if he was going to fall- Richie would catch him- Like he always does.

“Am I going to sleep?” He finished, His voice dripping with sass.

Richie let go of both their hands as he sat down on the bench next to Eddie. It made Eddie frown only a little bit, His face giving a tiny pout that he didn’t even know he had- That was, till Richie pointed it out last week.

Richie only responded to his face by wrapping an arm around Eddie, and letting the other boy lean on him. 

“I dunno, You could be jerkin’ off at midnight.” He grinned, Toothy- In that vulgar way that he always does.

Eddie scrunched his face in reaction, “You. Are. Disgusting.” Eddie punctuated each word, Even though he had to grit them out through his own giggles.

Although Eddie could only see out of the corner of his eye, He knew Richie was looking at him with a soft expression, The kind of expression that he never saw unless they were alone. The expression of someone who genuinely cares- They care with everything they have.

“Rich? Do you know anything about the stars?” He questioned, as his head tilted up to the sky.

“Uh- No? Did you expect me to?” 

Eddie grinned, “Nope, I have no idea about them either.” 

“You ask the weirdest questions, Eddie Spaghetti.”

“That is most definitely an awful nickname.” Eddie stated, as if it was the most factual thing he had ever said.

“Beverly! You can’t tell me Eddie doesn’t look like an angry bunny!” 

Edde could hear Richies exaggerated laugh as he walked down to the bleachers, Only receiving happy reactions from Beverly and Richie, Who both got up to envelope him in a tight hug.

It wasn’t unusual for Eddie to meet them down under the bleachers, But he didn’t do it often. He was always too worried about missing classes and getting failing grades. 

He knew Richie and Bev did it every day, Smoking up a storm and gossiping just about anything they could think of. 

Beverly released him from her grasp, and just like always, Richie didn’t, clinging onto Eddie like a sloth clings to a tree. He held him tight as he dragged him down onto the ground- No matter how many times Eddie insisted it was disgusting and dirty, He always went down anyway- Without a fight.

However, What was unusual was anyone else joining them in their secret spot. 

He heard the laughter before he heard the footsteps, and he recognized the voices almost immediately. 

After Eddie’s initial freak out with Ben, He was able to become great friends with him, And as it turns out- His two best friends got along with everyone else as much as Eddie does. 

Even Bill was getting used to Richie and his crass mouth, And Eddie couldn’t be happier at these new developments. 

What he wasn’t happy about was a fleet of their friends joining them all under the bleachers, turning into a crowded pile of bodies.

His hand reached up onto Richies, holding his on top of the other boys- Almost in fear and panic as he watched all his friends sit incredibly close to one another- Incredibly close to him.

He knew that sometimes his friends forgot, and he understood.

-But Eddie never forgot, Never once did he ever forget that his mother had drilled into his brain that touching other boys was bad. 

It was still on repeat in his head, but he was slowly getting past it. He would still only let Richie hug and touch him, However he was getting better being in close proximity with his friends.

Beverly was always there to talk to, They had exchanged land line numbers and when Eddie couldn’t sneak out to see Richie in the middle of the night, He called Bev and they talked for as long as they could without getting caught.

He was so grateful for his friends, and they had no idea how much.

“Guys, I have an announcement.” Eddie piped up, making the group of six absolutely silent.

“I look nothing like an angry bunny and Richie needs to shut up.” 

He was met with cheering and hoorays as his friends clapped and threw trash at Richie, He would’ve panicked with so many dirty things so close to him, But when he had his friends with him, When he had Richie with him- Everything was quiet, Even his own head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, kudos, and subs are appreciated!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The thought alone had Eddie retching onto the floor- He couldn’t even crawl to the toilet with his injured arm, And he’s pretty sure without it, He’d still be in searing pain. The very fact that he had gotten kicked in the stomach multiple times, and that he had been touched all over, and spat on, it had him reeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its been so long, Im sad.

Listen, its the fucking nineties and things should really be different now at days. Eddie Kaspbrak should not be hiding in the boy’s bathroom with a dislocated arm and a black eye. First of all, Eddie shouldn’t be getting the shit beaten out of him anyway- No matter what decade it is- But as it seems, people in this town never change, And Eddie seems to be subjected to judgement even in his first couple weeks of school.

The thought that sickens him the most was that somebody- Wait scratch that- Multiple somebody’s had laid their hands on him- At multiple times, Not even that- But he had been spat on. Some fucking meathead has spat on him- On his freakin face!

The thought alone had Eddie retching onto the floor- He couldn’t even crawl to the toilet with his injured arm, And he’s pretty sure without it, He’d still be in searing pain. The very fact that he had gotten kicked in the stomach multiple times, and that he had been touched all over, and spat on, it had him reeling.

His brain was in overload, Eddie wasn’t exactly sure how he had gotten himself into this situation. Really all Eddie had done was run into the wrong people at the wrong time- And well..Alone.

Eddie knew- He knew he probably should’ve waited for his friends to walk him home, And He knows he probably should’ve waited for at least Richie or Bill- But Eddie was stubborn and had decided to stay after school to study- And ended up injured and by himself.

_‘No Richie, I’m fine.’_

_‘No Bill, Nobody needs to walk me home.’_

Apparently Eddie was severely wrong and he definitely should’ve taken one or both boys up on their offers to walk him home and or stay after alongside him- So Eddie was pretty sure he was dreaming when the door opened and he was eye level with god awful converse and then soon he was eye level with blue eyes and chunky glasses.

“Damn Eds, I probably should’ve stayed a little closer, huh?”

Eddie couldn’t actually find it in himself to scoff or give him a snarky response, The only sound coming from him was a grumble- Which turned out to be more like a whine. He couldn’t really find it in himself to care that Richie had basically just admitted to following him around school- When Eddie had pointedly told him not to stick around, and that he could handle himself.

Well, Eddie knew now, That he was very wrong for his assumptions about being able to handle his own situations and keep himself safe. 

How was he supposed to keep himself safe when he couldn’t exactly defend himself, Saving himself would involve touching another boy- Well, Multiple boys- With all that blood and sweat..No. That was absolutely not happening, Eddie’s pretty sure he’d rather get beaten up again than have to willingly touch another person.

In all honesty, Eddie’s not totally sure how he’s even okay with Richie cupping his cheek at the moment. He has no idea as to why he isn't flinching away or hurling his insides into the nearest toilet at the thought of Richie touching him- Or that actual reality of that action.

All he really knows, Is that Richie makes him feel safe, and there isn't anything else he needs more at this particular moment than to know he’s okay and that he’s in the safest place he can be- And the only place he could really think of that would make him feel safe, Is Richie’s arms. 

So he does the most logical thing his brain can think of and he squirms around on the floor, Until Richie realizes Eddie is trying to get in his arms, Silently begging to be held.

What scared Eddie the most, Is that he isn’t this type of person, The type of boy to curl up inside somebody else’s arms and beg for the affectionate touches he’s lacked his whole life. Eddie knows, Of course, That what he feels for Richie isn’t exactly..Normal. 

-And he wants to stop those feelings! He does really!- But when Richie is holding him as tight as this, and whispering that he’s handling everything so well, When Richie is telling him everythings gonna be okay, As he strokes his hair...Well, He’s not so sure he wants to stop them as much as he used to.

Who can blame him!

He had just been verbally and physically abused by absolute strangers, and he was now taking comfort in the physical touches of another boy. It’s not like Eddie was sucking his dick, It's not like Eddie had thought of doing that either! It’s just, He knows he needs this, More than anything else.

“Listen to me, Im gonna have to pick you up- And I know you’re not gonna like that..But I need to get ya somewhere safe, I’ll take you to my place.”

Eddie watched Richie’s face morph into contemplation and Eddie couldn’t help but feel inwardly nervous at the thought of coming across Richie’s family- Especially like this.

It dawns on him that it must be ridiculous for him to be worried about meeting Richie’s family, When he’s been beaten bloody and fighting immense pain.

Eddie gave Richie a nod, Or atleast a form of a nod- Considering he had restricted movements while curled up into Richie’s chest. Eddie felt the movement of being hoisted up and cradled in Richie’s arms as the taller boy pushed open the bathroom door and walked into the all but empty hall.

If Eddie was smart, He would have protested and told Richie that, ‘People could see you carrying me like this’ ‘People might get the wrong idea, Richie.’

-But it seems that Eddie is indeed not smart, and He was in too much pain to even generate proper sentences and his train of thought had gone off the rails a while ago.

So Eddie’s pretty sure he’s about to be resigned to meeting Richie Tozier’s family, While he’s bloody and bruised, With a dislocated arm.

_**Great.** _

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed bbies!


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